When we counsel clients in difficult relationships, one of the curious patterns we see is a tendency toward impulsivity. We've seen it so often, in fact, that we've begun to believe it may be the most malignant of all relationship behaviors.
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| Impulsivity: The Root of Regret. Considered Decisions Bring Joy. |
Impulsive people say and do hurtful things to the people they love, and tend to suffer problems at work, with law enforcement, and in completing projects. If you look back at your own regrets, you'll likely find that nearly all of them arose out of an impulsive act.
When people are able to master their impulsivity, wonderful things start to occur in their marriages: Escalation ends, hearing happens, defensiveness discontinues, and intimacy is initiated.
New research backs us up. A study out of the University of Georgia finds that among married couples, there is a significant correlation between high levels of impulsiveness, and low levels of marital satisfaction and commitment. Impulsivity is also correlated with high levels of verbal aggression.(1)
Bottom line? Slowing down is a fast fix for many relationship problems. And it's a fairly easy correction: Just take a deep breath, think carefully before you speak, and watch intimacy grow!
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(1) Lavner, J. A., Lamkin, J., & Miller, J. D. (2017). Trait Impulsivity and Newlyweds' Marital Trajectories. Journal of Personality Disorders, 31(1), 133-144. doi:10.1521/pedi_2016_30_242
